My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
