two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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