im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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