Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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