just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
