Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
