So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
