Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
