we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
