Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that's an acceptable place to lick
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
