If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
