My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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