My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
