Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
