Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize
