guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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