Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
