I think I am morally bankrupt
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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