You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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