Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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