well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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