Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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