i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This house was built for laser tag.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
