I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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