I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
