I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
