Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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