i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
