My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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