She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
