Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
