is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
