He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
