I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
