$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He told me they were just razor bumps!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She bit a glass in half.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
