last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
