oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize