I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
