come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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