every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
