fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
