Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
