North Korea, Best Korea!
smell my finger.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
