It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
