Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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