My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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