I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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