Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
