Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
