i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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