I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
