What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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