Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think I died a long time ago.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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