hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
