I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
