I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
