What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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