But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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