Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
