If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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