think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
