Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
