Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
